“Embracing the strength and vulnerability it takes to rise up from a fall or failure or pain and grow stronger makes us a little dangerous
People who don’t stay down after falling, failing or hurt are often troublemakers, hard to control, which is the best kind of dangerous possible. They re the artists, the innovators and the change makers”
How much or how little we value emotion comes from what we taught and what we valued growing up, either:
Maybe we were raised believing that being emotional is weakness
Maybe we grew up with “don’t ask, don’t tell” ie: keep it to yourself
Maybe we don’t know how to express it verbally because we were never taught the words so we make fun of it
Maybe we taught that talking about emotion is a waste of time and amounts to nothing
Maybe we heard “That doesn’t apply to people like us”
Maybe we are so numb (suppressed) that we don’t think there is anything to discuss
Maybe we are so uncertain as to what it is and what it may provide, we simply don’t talk about it - superstition
Maybe we grew up believing that talking about emotion may teach us something we don’t want to know - growth is negative
Growing up I was always curious about everything, “why” helped me better understand the actions, behaviours and outcomes of others. It helped me learn, achieve, focus, avoid, believe and ultimately it became both how I would define myself and how I could identify opportunity in growing beyond how I defined myself. I always wanted ‘more’, to be more, provide more, do more, have more, show more.
That others didn’t believe in me, support me, teach me, encourage me only reflected their own inhibitions and fears and whilst this taught me to do the same, the choice and awareness remains mine not theirs. The responsibility is mine.
I am not alone in my experiences of disappointment, letdown, hurt, hope and failure, promise and avoidance, these are common amongst most people, potentially all people.
When we allow this to define us, we are limited to their teachings, we are limited to another persons voice, beliefs and outcomes. When we are prepared to ask “why” without fear of ridicule, laughter, ignorance or depletion, we create the opportunity to grow and we shall.
Embracing the strength to be vulnerable is the greatest gift we may present ourselves when it comes to growth. Define it however you choose, the outcome is the same
When we feel low or lost or helpless or angry or frustrated or confused, there are a number of options that are easier than engaging with people:
We can buy into peoples criticisms and stay completely withdrawn
We can plan how we will impress them next time
We can release our frustrations in the home by yelling or arguing or finding fault with our partner for no reason or to avoid an important conversation
We could eat more, drink more, gamble more
We could be furious with noises around us, children, neighbours, work colleagues or managers; complain, blame, shame
We could run away and vow never to engage or speak of that person ever again
The opposite of recognising we feel something is to deny our emotions
The opposite of being curious is disengaging
When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away, instead they own us, they define us.
To be the example we say we want to be, to achieve the life we say we yearn for, to have the relationships we say we deserve, to have the outcomes we say are so very important to us; is to stand up, be proud, be committed, be present, be reflective, be accountable and be consistent.
We choose; we either allow ourselves to be defined and denied or we choose to be proud and embrace our emotions irregardless of opposition. You are enough already. The tweaks, the learnings, the growth, the support for others, none of that can possibly occur to the extent we desire when we are not the example we pretend to be.
We cannot grow, we cannot love, we cannot achieve when we remain limited in our own behaviours and disengagement.
Living as an example not only fulfils the life we seek for ourselves, it reinforces how we would love to be remembered.
It reflects a life worth living, an effort worth making, a time worth pursuing
What does that look like to you
If it matters to You : it matters to Me
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