So many of us speak about or threaten or worry about leaving and yet fail to do so or act suddenly in the midst of pain and surrender to pain.
Below are four reasons why it is important to be heard before making any decisions to depart.
It is not fair to conceal facts that impact your relationship with your partner. A partner has a right to know facts that are important to you in order to think clearly about the present and plan for the future.
Losing a partner should never come out of the blue. Whilst we may often blame, complain and strain the relationship with accusations, expectations and assumptions, we seldom take action. If we are considering leaving or our boundaries are not being upheld then we need to find a different way of communicating. This is the same expectation as in the workplace. Until we are clear on boundaries, what is acceptable and not, then there is no clarity when we depart or are told to. “If you want to keep this job, these are the specific things you need to change to remain” “If we want to be terrific, we need to be specific”
A partner will have the best opportunity to decide how they may move forward and respond to boundaries when they recognise that you are serious about leaving and clear as to the depth and impact on yourself and the relationship. Their response will reflect their own willingness or unwillingness to change and the importance of the relationship to them.
Talking openly and honestly about departure will make the possibility of separation, divorce or departure more real. Doing so will support the clarity, certainty and courage required in order to move forward. Doing so will align with values, beliefs, levels of importance and what truly matters in order to stand by yourself and your boundaries and conversations, or not.
Note: speaking about departure where we do not intend to support ourselves, fear the other person or others impacted by any decision, or where our financial security may be intentionally impacted must first seek professional advice and direction to ensure our safety and peace of mind.
Where we aim to rebuild the relationship, we need to do several things:
Pay attention to your relationship and nurture it, listening, learning, leadingMove toward your partner with compassion, consideration, communication
Move away from distancing and disconnection, deflection and demoralising
Clarify wants, needs, values, beliefs, what matters and is important to you and a relationship together
Clarity when communicated comes from love for yourself and another. It comes from seeing what that example might look like, feel like, sound like and how it works together. This is clarity.
If there has been a lot of negativity until this point, then spend more time on clarity before communication in order to be absolutely certain and congruent with your values and focus. This shall help to prevent losing control and repeating negative actions and behaviours.
We cannot move forward if we come from a place of self-importance, assumption, criticism, demands or avoidance.
We may only move forward when we embrace our own lessons, opportunities and desires.
We may only be the example that we would like to experience ourselves
Living by what matters to you, being the example, is a very different Life
An enjoyable, grateful, empowered and complete one
What does that look like to you
If it matters to You : it matters to Me
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