“Let’s talk about Narcism”
Today i wanted to speak of a phrase I often use given it is relevant to ‘you name it’ situations:
“Circumstances don’t make a Person, they Reveal Them”
Clients and conversations of late have constantly had narcissistic people draining them of energy, certainty, clarity, courage and value
So let’s explore what that is
Narcism is a lifestyle
Narcism says this works for me - that does not - you come over here - or not
Narcism is a choice
It is consideration of ones self alone, singular, solo
there is no external consideration whatsoever
Communication also is internal, the only value is ones own opinion, thoughts, processes, outcomes
It does not seek unity or a tribe
Narcism seeks domination, control, direction
Once domination has been established - whether through verbal, mental, emotional manipulation or in extreme circumstances ‘abuse’ - whether of a child, partner, ex-partner or colleague
Once assertion is confirmed, measured and in place, only then are sub-chiefs allowed to control in lieu of the narcissist themselves
The 2IC or second in charge. The supervisor, reporter or subordinate
In the workplace this is the manager in a toxic culture - maintaining the standards of oppression, expectation and demand
In the home this is partner of the destructive ex - demanding children do as they are told when told, be seen when desired or not, behave as desired otherwise there shall be repercussions
In school this is the bully’s offsider - maintaining ‘law and order’ until the bully themselves decides to re-assert their position
This being said, this can also be an existing partner in a relationship, an existing teacher in school, an existing parent, colleague or friend
Narcism is learnt by increasing levels of manipulation over others across time
Typically it is taught by example - at home, work, school or friendship circles
The greatest threat to a narcissist is hope, faith, creativity, positivity, optimism, empathy and internal awareness
A narcissist will seek to break these down, devalue or divide in order to achieve domination
The phrase “Circumstances don’t make a Person, they Reveal Them” reflects on what a person does with the information they are faced with. It reflects on how a person decides between reacting to enforce - or respond through observation
In the end only facts pave the way
Facts are the financial statement of what actually occurred, how to actually move forward, what actually worked versus did not and how each of these align to what outcome was actually desired
Narcissists live where the other person does not recognise nor seek to recognise what is important and matters to them
Narcissist thrive on taking empowerment away from others to bend them to their own desires, opinions, thoughts, processes and outcomes
Knowing and learning how to identify what is important and matters to you is the greatest gift you may ever provide yourself, teach another and share by example
It can be incredibly difficult to recognise something so inherently important as purpose and acknowledge the difference between what we allow versus what we need.
The past is to reflect upon, the future is to look toward, the present is to measure and live by
To anything, there is always choice. you were born to be yourself so let’s begin
Narcissists cannot live in a world where observation reigns and choice is made by facts aligned to what is important and matters to you, to the example you wish to be, set and appreciate in reflection
That is where you start. where we start together. please allow me to help you create the life you crave over the life you accept
One conversation is all it takes to open doors and re-start that life of consideration, communication, connection
https://calendly.com/flicktheswitchcoaching
Matt Wood - I’ve been there. I’ve helped there. You matter
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